Up Close and Personal: Part II: A Difficult Decision

Hello to all of my fellow camp counselors!

As I mentioned in a previous post, I recently came back from Winter Camp. It was an incredible week, full of new memories, laughs and a reminder of why I love camp. But there was a constant undertone of sadness, because I knew that I would not be returning to the same camp this summer.

I have spent the past eleven summers at this camp, and have gone through many roles. I was a camper, counselor in training, on-call program staff, counselor, and program area lead. I learned so much and have more memories then I could ever tell. This camp has become a home to me, and has given me so much more then I ever knew a camp could.

This summer, what would have been my third as a counselor, will be my first away. This is a decision that weighs heavy on my heart. And there is no one reason for my choice. However, I feel that by sharing with you all the process and emotions I am going through with this change may help you if you are ever in a similar situation.

There are many reasons that I am not returning to my home this summer. They range from geographical challenges, to financial struggles, to long term career goals. And none of those reasons make this any easier. However, I recently came across a new thought. There is never going to be an easy time for me to make this choice. There is always going to be another goal, another camper turned counselor that I want to be with for their first staff summer, another reason why it shouldn't be this year. Any while that may not make this any easier, it does make it more logical, and I like logic.

Lots of people have tried consoling me, with advise or words of wisdom. I've heard everything from "it's really time you moved on anyway" to "maybe you just need one summer off and you'll go back". But I still feel stuck. In some aspects, I feel so excited to experience something new this summer. I can't wait to have some time with my friends, be able to actually relax, and maybe get a new job, and have a new adventure. I'm even applying to some day camps! On the other hand, I'm heart broken. One of my closest friends is about to have her first summer as a counselor. I didn't make it to my eventual goal of being a head counselor. I will miss my campers more then anything. There are so many reasons I'm not ready to leave. But the decision is made.

I'd love to hear similar stories.
Samantha